Donald Swaddlington

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Victorian / Edwardian Gentleman. Avid Biscuit Enthusiast & Former Malvern District Young Sausage Maker of The Year Runner Up 1876.

dreams

Darling Donald, Last night I had an erotic dream and when I awoke I had 7 sheds in my back garden. I wondered whether you have had any interesting dreams lately.Yours emotively  
Sir Bernard of Rogers  - Sevenoaks Boxing Club

Swadders: Its funny you should mention this Sir Bernard . I am almost constantly plagued with dreams containing erotic content. Only two nights ago I had to physically and quite graphically satisfy 8 women on a local cul de sac within a dream. Their husbands were away at the time on a golfing holiday. I found this very strange as in real life none of them own any golf clubs.

rat in my kitchen


Dearest Donald , There's a rat in my kitchen what am I going to do ? There's a rat in my kitchen what am I going to do ?
Derek O'Karma - Bristol

Swadders: You're going to fix that rat that's what you're going to do. You're going to fix that rat. Or alternatively you could involve some sort of pest control organisation. Although I'm informed that'll take several visits to your residence and culminate in a large invoice old sausage.

ladies

Good morning Sir Swadders, Why do ladies make things more complicated than they have to be ?
Lindsy Sell - Wisconsin

Swadders: Good morning to you Lindsy. Yes they're certainly a complicated species. Apart from my Aunt Petula. But then again she was originally my Uncle Malcolm. Which speaks volumes.