Donald Swaddlington

My photo
Victorian / Edwardian Gentleman. Avid Biscuit Enthusiast & Former Malvern District Young Sausage Maker of The Year Runner Up 1876.

laughter


Dear Swadders, Is laughter really the best medicine?
Charmaine Curry - Bromley

Swadders: I believe it very well could be Charmaine. For it is capable of releasing an array of helpful enzymes into the bloodstream whilst ushering away a whole host of unpleasant stuff. I recently cured myself of a tricky bout of pneumonia simply by watching 6 and a half minutes of ' It Ain't Half Hot Mum ' on YouTube.

tartan


Dear Sir, I was wondering do you ever wear a kilt and if so, in which tartan ?
Charmaine Curry - Bromley by Bow Overpass

Swadders: I once had my own bespoke Swaddlington tartan designed for me Charmaine. Or so I thought. It was actually material left over from the seats on the Bay City Rollers tour bus. A low point in an otherwise fun decade.

dreams

Darling Donald, Last night I had an erotic dream and when I awoke I had 7 sheds in my back garden. I wondered whether you have had any interesting dreams lately.Yours emotively  
Sir Bernard of Rogers  - Sevenoaks Boxing Club

Swadders: Its funny you should mention this Sir Bernard . I am almost constantly plagued with dreams containing erotic content. Only two nights ago I had to physically and quite graphically satisfy 8 women on a local cul de sac within a dream. Their husbands were away at the time on a golfing holiday. I found this very strange as in real life none of them own any golf clubs.

ladies

Good morning Sir Swadders, Why do ladies make things more complicated than they have to be ?
Lindsy Sell - Wisconsin

Swadders: Good morning to you Lindsy. Yes they're certainly a complicated species. Apart from my Aunt Petula. But then again she was originally my Uncle Malcolm. Which speaks volumes.

3 women

Good Afternoon Donald , despite favouring the company of young men . I have recently made 3 women in their late 30's pregnant. Help !
Derek O'Karma - Bristol

Swadders: Erm ....

allergic


Dearest Donald , I recently discovered I'm allergic to marzipan. Do you have any food allergies ?
Apronia Applethwaite - East Riding of Yorkshire

Swadders: I do indeed young Apronia. Two in fact. Buffallo Mozzarella and Tic Tac's.

earliest memory

Dear Swadders, What is your earliest memory ?
Leonard Leonardson -Hastings

Swadders: I'd have to say being locked inside a sherbet fountain factory for 3 days over a May bank holiday Leonard. I was either 27 or 32 at the time and amused myself in a variety of ways, right up until the point of rescue.