Donald Swaddlington

My photo
Victorian / Edwardian Gentleman. Avid Biscuit Enthusiast & Former Malvern District Young Sausage Maker of The Year Runner Up 1876.


Dear Swadders, Another bathing question ... budgie smugglers or trunks ? ;)
Lizzie Brennan - Perth , Western Australia

Swadders: Ha Ha Ha bathing trunks everytime young Lizzie. My budgie needs room to manoeuvre.

chip shop

Dear Swadders, I'm on a coach to Bridlington, can you recommend a good chip shop ?
Isaac Walker - Sheffield

Swadders: I can Isaac but unfortunately it's in Whitby.

3 women

Good Afternoon Donald , despite favouring the company of young men . I have recently made 3 women in their late 30's pregnant. Help !
Derek O'Karma - Bristol

Swadders: Erm ....


While I'm here , do you believe in miracles , Donald ?
Rhett Tuxedo - Tentacion , Mexico

Swadders : I do as a matter of fact Rhett. Only six years ago I was thinking of my frail old Aunt. Then suddenly last Tuesday, right out of the blue, she sent me a telegram asking for the safe return of her Teasmade ( which she had lent to me three decades earlier). Maybe my lame tale is more of a coincidence than a miracle. But it was the only thing I could think of, at short notice, that fitted in with your question. I wish you a peaceful & fruitful evening.


Dear Swadders, My G.P and Nutritionalist have both suggested weetabix would help lower my cholesterol. I've only ever used weetabix for cleaning the ring from round the bath. I'm a little concerned about the size of these things. Are they for oral or suppository use ?
Dave Wealleans - Northumbria

Swadders : Ha Ha, I suspect you'd get no joy from inserting one of these friendly little biscuits inside your back passage David. Or perhaps you would. No, they are for oral use only. I have 3 most mornings with warm milk & honey. I then stand back and let the merriment commence.


Dearest Donald , I recently discovered I'm allergic to marzipan. Do you have any food allergies ?
Apronia Applethwaite - East Riding of Yorkshire

Swadders: I do indeed young Apronia. Two in fact. Buffallo Mozzarella and Tic Tac's.

earliest memory

Dear Swadders, What is your earliest memory ?
Leonard Leonardson -Hastings

Swadders: I'd have to say being locked inside a sherbet fountain factory for 3 days over a May bank holiday Leonard. I was either 27 or 32 at the time and amused myself in a variety of ways, right up until the point of rescue.